My Life, My Darkness, the twisted road to nowhere. I try to be a good person and I am most of the time, but some people have put me down that I am not what they expect me to do. To be that law biding American Christian Citizen. What I have to follow what people expect me to do? So I do not trust the government of the world, I don't go to Sunday school and I dont attend the monthly city council or go to PTA meetings. My taste of music of Bjork, Godsmack, Lacuna Coil, and Pagan's Mind. I am me and I am not here to make anyone person in my life happy. I am here to make myself happy and thats the problem, when I make myself happy then I make everyone less happy. It seems everytime I think I am doing something right that it actually isn't right. I am scared to fall in love, I am scared of my own shadow. That If I do something that once again it will come back and haunt me. I am a Wiccan I wear a Pentacle necklace, I am put down by other Christians and non-pagan religions. I am a Witch I am going to rot in hell, when we all know that the devil was a fanstasy made up by the christian faith. The greatest story ever told is just that but a fantasy. I am sorry I am tired of people trying to preach to me, saying Wiccans is not a faith but a cult. We Pagans and Wiccans know that it is a religion, so we don't celebrate the christian God we believe in the Old Ways, ways I believe are the right ways. So I will stress my religion openly and for you Christians who saying I am sinning, that your way is the one and only way, the fact is Paganism is one if not the oldest religions known to man. So please respect my religion as I respect your religion.So I am hurting, not know if I am making the right decision, does my darkness continue. I have visions voices and out of body experience on a daily basis. There is no switch I can turn the darkness off. I am me. I Jale, Jeff, Dale or whatever name I prefer to use at that particular moment. I want to feel love, I want to feel what life is suspose to feel like. I want to know what it is really like to live. For people to respect me, to not try to change or control, not to judge me for my faith and beliefs. The darkness falls on me like a tidal way. Is there any hope left for me, is there any spark left in my life, is there anything to live for. I know this blog is a bit negative and positive at the same time. I am tired of the bullcrap, that I must hide who I am to make other people in my life happy. Yes I am dating and I really like this person, but I do not know how to go beyond the dating part. She is very special to me and she is someone one I really adore and want to get to know more but I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone ever again. So how does one person begin to enjoy life, I am happy with myself but I don't know how to begin to enjoy life. Is there any life left for me. Is there that special someone for me, is this lady that person. What I do know that the darkness continues, but at the same time I am happy with myself that I beleive the way I do and that I am my own special person. So I love life, but I need advice in how to enjoy it to the fullest.
Jale
2 comments:
Greetings Jale,
For one there is nothing wrong with the darkness as long as you maintain the balance. It is always about the balance. Also about love in your life: Be happy with what you have now. It is like the old cliche "Better to have loved & lost". We are always learning from every experience that we go through. If the powers that be want your time together to continue then it will & if not then always try to stay friends & then move on to where you are led. If you care for her then just tell her that. You never know until you do if she feels the same.
Blessed Be,
Darkstar
D J,
You are fine just the way you are, you don't need to please anyone except yourself and that is all that matters, by following your faith and going the direction that brings you happiness, I give you all the upmost respect that I can because you have the courage to do as you feel you should and if people care for you the way they say they do then they will accept you as you are and not try to change you. Ang
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